Madrox Planetary Guide

kirby-krackle:

richardrushfield:

The Complete List of All The Annoying Things In The New Wes Anderson Trailer

Congratulations to Wes Anderson.  He has squeezed more preciousity into two minutes of trailer than most films can get into two hours of screen time. Not a single frame or line of dialoge resembles anything ever seen in nature, outside of the zany mind of a hipster art director.  

1. The Title.  It’s a shame there isn’t an Academy Award category for Most Annoying Title, because if there was, Wes Anderson would have a house full of trophies.  The words used in Anderson titles have included: Aquatic, Darjeeling, Zissou, Chevalier, Fantastic, Royal and now Moorise and Kingdom.

2. Children solemnly applying stage bird make up.  The children solemnly doing adult grown up things is one of my favorite jokes in art. Now can we stop doing it for a week so it can be funny again.  

3. 0:09. Yellow boy scout uniform.  Let’s take childhood and throw in some splash of garish colors.  Just imagine if your entire childhood had designed by Pucci…Think how special you would have grown up to be!  Just picture a world where boy scouts dress in big bird yellow…with a forest green neckerchief and a little gold cornucopia.  Can’t you just picture you and your friends going out in your yellow uniforms and building theater sets to dramatize last week’s episode of This American Life?  What a world is could be!

 And also, in case the audience fears that this is a children’s movie for children, let’s give them a taste of grown up, Euro inspired art direction that no child would ever naturally relate to to let them know, this is a movie about children for adults.  And that isn’t creepy at all!

4. 0:17. Wounded, intense abyss staring girl/woman whose icy glare turns men to dust. Independent films yang to manic pixie girl’s yin.  Last deployed by Anderson as the Gwyneth character in the Tenenbaums.   Made wacky surreal because she’s wearing a bird suit. 

5. Choral music.  75 years after the Rolling Stones recorded You Can’t Always Get What You Want, 50 years since it was used in The Big Chill, why does this still happen?

6. Oh, it’s children’s choral music. 

7. 0:21 The very term Quonset Hut gives hipster art directors the vapors with excitement. The amount of oxygen they will inhale when they see this threatens the oxygen supply for the rest of us.

8. 0:25. Of course the nerd boy has stationary with his name printed on it. 

9. 0:27 And Suzy’s personalized stationary has a little drawing of a little house on it. 

10. 0:34 Girl in cotton dress standing in the center of the frame on the top of a lighthouse looking through binoculars like she’s in Umbrellas of Cherbourg or Madeline.

11. 0:36.  Nerd boy. In coonskin hat.  Viewed through binoculars.  Standing alone in field of wheat.

12. 0:37. Another perfectly framed symmetrical shot.  Was this film shot on Corel Draw?

13. 0:41. And another.

14. 0:46. Mid-century floor rug in the tent.

15. 0:47. “Jimminy Crickets”

16. 0:48. Fischer Price 45 player. Playing swinging 60’s music.

17. 0:50 Staring at each other into the camera. And now we’re in Marriage Italian Style. 

18. 0:56 Frances McDormand talking in the house on a megaphone.

The rest of it is fine, either than the house up at the top of the tree, the motorcyle at the top of a tree, Jason Schwartzman as aviator glasses wearing boy scout priest, Frances McDormand saying “he does water colors, mostly landscapes and a few nudes” and whatever that 60’s Douglas Sirkesque font it is they use for the credits.

The guy who wrote this is a jackass.

Punching in the nuts is in order, methinks.